week 13 training recap

The fourth week of training is complete.

Miles run: 23

I'm struggling to recap this week. It was uneventful overall, but it still feels important to talk about, and I can't put into words why. I was certain my run this morning would help the words come to me, but the best I got was a few sentences.

I completed my 2 4-mile runs on Tuesday and Thursday inside on the treadmill. I laugh to myself each time I willingly get on the treadmill these days. Every past running version of myself vehemently hated the treadmill and would always choose to suffer outside in any type of weather just to avoid being on the treadmill, thinking those runs were making me a better runner. The irony is that I've found the treadmill has made me much stronger this year, mentally at least, so I welcome any run I do on it now.

I had 10 miles planned on Saturday for my long run, and I was eager for redemption from the previous week's botched run. I planned to be up and moving by 6 AM Saturday to beat any uncomfortable weather. My husband offered to join me for a loop, so we headed to Valley Forge to conquer Mt. Joy. I hadn't run Mt. Joy since the spring and I knew it would be hard, but I wasn't expecting to feel so defeated by it.

I was in my head for about 6-7 miles of the run.

Every negative thought possible crossed my mind and stayed there. 

"This would be easier if you were skinnier." 

"You want to run 50 miles and are struggling during this 4-mile loop?"

"You’re slow." "Everyone else is running better than you."

Images of people I've seen, ones I know, others I don't, on Instagram continued to pop into my head. Thinking of all the other things I want to do to better my body but feel overwhelmed with and that there's not enough time in the day. But they do it. How? Some days all I can manage is getting my run finished and a mediocre stretch for 10 minutes.

My emotions were up and down, much like the hills I was tackling in Valley Forge. I had good moments. I remembered how when I started running on trails, how hard it was, and how I stayed consistent with running at Valley Forge, and albeit still difficult, I've felt the benefits of training here this past year. My 20-miler at Blue Marsh was significantly easier this year than in 2023. The hikes I recently completed in California were easier because of Valley Forge. I know I don't want things to be easy - I don't like it when it's easy, so why was I stuck in such a negative mindset?

I finished the run, completing 2 loops of Mt. Joy and then finishing my final mile on the pavement at Valley Forge. We got bagels from Spread after and in the end, I was proud of myself for finishing. It was a long, unkind 2 hours, and even as I write this, a day later, I'm still working through my thoughts, trying to figure out how to beat them - how to feel better.

I woke up this morning excited to hit my final run of the week, 5 miles. I forgot how painfully rewarding it is to run on tired legs.

Every step - so heavy.

Every step - aching quads. 

It wasn’t until my final mile that my legs felt warmed up. Still sore from yesterday, but finally awake. And as I'm still battling my thoughts from yesterday, I'm excited for this week. I'm running the "On the Rocks Trail Run"16.7K (10-ish miles) in York on Saturday, 7/27. I have 13 total planned, so I'll need to add some on after finishing.

My goal this week is kindness in every degree.

To myself - about myself - for myself.

And, of course, to others.